Matthew 18:15-20 – “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’  17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

18 “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

19 “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.  20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”   NKJV

I have been on both ends of this process. In some of those times, I have discovered that everything was a terrible misunderstanding, and openness and honesty brought resolution quickly and decisively. 

I have seen other situations where there was a confrontation, and one or both sides refused to accept any wrong or blame. The wound festered so that the animosity defiled many, splitting churches and families.  I have seen situations where no attempt was made to “clear the air,” and the wound or perceived wrong was allowed to fester to the point it became spiritual gangrene and brought about spiritual death or dearth.

Jesus gave us a simple, challenging, but straightforward process to “clear the air” and “achieve reconciliation and restoration” between brothers.  This process is specifically directed toward the relationship and interaction between believers. 

You have no leverage with the world in this matter; the moral foundation would likely be different, and their recognition of the authority of the church or the Lord vastly different.  One of the reasons this is often not practiced in the church today is because we fail to recognize spiritual authority and live as isolated individualists accountable only to ourselves and, in our minds, God.

Whether the sin is actual, factual, or perceived, the division and wound are the same initially.  The instructions are explicit.  If a brother or sister wrongs you or is perceived to have wronged you, you are to “go to them privately.”  There is no publicizing of this, no forming cliques and choosing sides as a forerunner to the coming war of attitudes, words, and feelings. 

You open your heart with “total honesty” and allow them the opportunity to respond, either with clarification or repentance.  Your foundational purpose must be reconciliation and restoration.  If you seek to prove you were wronged and somehow damage them in the eyes of others, your effort should not take place and will exacerbate the situation, not resolve it.

You go to the one who has, or you perceive has wronged you.  If they reject you, you are to take “one or two” more, that “by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.”  Again, those you take with you cannot be those already prejudiced or biased in your favor but honorable, godly people from the faith who will objectively hear the matter. 

If they still refuse to hear or respond, it is to be presented to the Church, and this is where Church Discipline, which is rarely witnessed, comes into play.  If they reject the private and secondary plea with the witnesses and the church, they are to be shunned.  You may say, “That is harsh.”  It is, but the objective is reconciliation, and the unrepentant who is guilty of wrong will cause division and discord, not harmony, and will become like cancer in the body. 

An interesting part of this process is found in verses 18-20; the “binding and loosing” mentioned by the Lord Jesus is directly related to this process.  The heart of God and the church’s heart should be reconciliation.  The apostle Paul deals with this matter later and expands on it to reveal that this may only be a temporary arrangement, and if the person repents, they are to be restored. 

Never allow wounds to fester.  Always seek to resolve differences with an open heart and a willingness to achieve reconciliation.    

God bless you as you go through this wonderful day, and if you have unresolved differences with any other believer, I encourage you to seek reconciliation.