Galatians 3:1-5 – “You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? 2 This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain — if indeed it was in vain? 5 So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracles among you, do it by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith?”  NASB

At the risk of upsetting my entire readership, I will say that most Christians have some difficulty in the area of ‘Performance Orientation.’  It is easier to be a legalist, walking in bondage to man-made rules and regulations, than to walk free. 

If you maintain a ‘list,’ you can easily measure how you are doing (performing) by your standard and compare yourself to those around you.  In that mode of operation, developing a relationship is unnecessary because you have a ‘balance sheet’ in which you can see if you have kept more rules than you did not.  It is fleshly security.

When I first came to Christ after Vietnam, many in the church had a list of rules they were eager to share with me.  That list included all the ‘do not’s’ – – No to movies, tobacco, cards, dominos, dancing, alcohol, doing virtually anything on Sunday, etc. 

The list was exceptionally long and sometimes quite detailed.  Of course, the way God made me caused me to question WHY?  That did not go well.  Many who had their lists and touted them piously were guilty of exhibiting – hate, bitterness, judgmentalism, back-biting, and more.  They could never see the real issue was that they were performing, not developing relationships, and it was all flesh!

People who ‘perform’ to be accepted have difficulty experiencing or giving Unconditional Love!  Their mindset of needing to ‘perform’ (though they would never have called it that) caused them to judge and respond to or accept others based on performance!  There is something in us that strives for ‘acceptance.’  Even though we have been set free by the Blood of Jesus, the Grace of God, and the Spirit of God, we often tend to drift back into the ‘fleshly mode’ of earning acceptance via performance.

The IF I DON’T Syndrome…

• If I do not go to church, God will not love me.
• If I do not read X number of chapters daily in the Bible, God will not love me.
• If I do not pray X number of hours each day, God will not hear me.
• If I do not witness, God will not love me.

Hear me, please!  It is good to be a part of a local fellowship and attend regularly.  It is good to read your Bible daily.  It is good to pray daily.  It is good to witness, but be sure that all of that is not focused on you and performance rather than relationship.  The motive should be Love, unconditional, unsolicited love.  Attend church because of Love, not to get God to accept you.

In Romans 8, we are reminded that nothing can separate us from God’s Love!  We are reminded that God’s Love empowers us!  That it is all God and not us!  Our problem as humans is that the entire world is a stage, and we learn early in life to perform.  Performance reaches not just into the actions but also the motives and is foreign to God’s desires.  We can be free!  We must be free!  The world needs us to be free! 

To be free from the Spirit of Performance and move into Relational Christianity requires the development of Trust, Knowing, and Becoming!  We have to Know God and ourselves.  We have to Become vulnerable, not performing to be loved and approved but acting out of love.  Remember, in 1 Corinthians 13, we are told that LOVE does not seek its own.

As children, we learn to ‘perform,’ have it reinforced as teenagers, and then practice and teach it as adults.  The mentality that says, ’If I don’t or can’t do what is expected, I will not be accepted.’  That produces fear, anxiety, striving, and shortens and diminishes the quality of life.  It does not necessarily produce insecurity because some are quite confident and secure in their own rules, list, and ability to perform, so they feel SAFE!

LET ME USE SOME LIFE EXAMPLES:

How about Potty Training – – When we tell a child, “You did good, Mommy or Daddy loves you.”  That easily translates to the child over the long haul that they would not be loved if they had not performed to expectation.  They did not hear, ‘You are loved no matter how often you soiled your clothing.’  The danger is that they hear, “IF I do it right, I’m loved, but if I do it wrong, I’m not.”   (Is that extreme? Possibly, but hopefully you can see what I am saying).

How about Appearance – – “Oh, you look nice in your new dress, pants, etc.  Mommy/Daddy loves you.”  But we love you regardless, right?  Can you see how the child might miss that point over the long haul and translate it to ‘good appearance earns love, sloppiness does not’?   (Is that extreme? Again, catch what I am saying)

How about Correction – – When the child misbehaves, ask, “Where did my little boy/girl go?  They were here a minute ago, but this cannot be my child because they do not act that way.”  We just told the child that they are unacceptable and have to be someone who is ideal to be acceptable, so they must perform to be accepted.

Let me go out on a limb and say that children are not always little angels, but they are ALWAYS to be loved!  Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”  The negative behavior is stopped by firm, loving, consistent discipline while constantly communicating that they are loved, and that love is unconditional while the behavior is not.  That is security!

I have heard people say, “I can’t love you when you act that way.”  What?  “Go to your room, and when you can act like you, you can come out.”  Okay, that is what the child did: act like themself!  “Leave the table, and when you can come back wearing a smile, you can be part of us.” 

Okay, so now you want them to be hypocritical to be accepted.  I am not saying that you allow any behavior to exist. We need to stop teaching performance and focus on relationships.  If we learn in the home to be ourselves and know that even when we do not perform to expectation, we will be loved, we can translate that into life and develop relationships!

The person bound by Performance Orientation has to work extremely hard for all the wrong reasons.  Some of the things I have observed are that the Person who is a PERFORMER:

• Requires Constant Affirmation.
• Cannot Handle Criticism.
• Is Dependent on the Reactions of Others.
• Any Reproof makes them Defensive.
• Cannot readily admit Guilt or Blame and never takes Responsibility.
• Often, they are afraid to try new things because of the fear of failure.

If you recognize any of this in your life or those you love, I urge you to take it to the Lord and ask His help to break the Spirit of Performance and move you from Performance to Relationship!

God bless you as you go through your day!